How Not To F**k Up A Spa Day

By Emilie. Make the most of your very expensive spa day.

OK, so I’m a bit of a spa newb. I know a lot of people will have gone to loads over a variety of hen weekends, romantic couples retreats and, well, more hen weekends, but I haven’t. I know, boo fucking hoo. So when I booked this one all I knew was that I needed a zen-inducing eight hours away the daily grind. And luckily, that’s what it was. Here’s my idiot’s guide on how not to completely f**k up the whole thing.

1) Be candid with your spa therapist. When I said I’d had a shitty week at work and wanted to feel rejuvenated she had some great advice and picked an oil for my hot stone massage that would pep up and energise, rather than relax me into oblivion.

2) Don’t be self-conscious. Spa therapists see a whole lot of bodies and they actually aren’t fussed about your cellulite or hairy legs. Personal choice though, obviously.


3) Leave your phone in your locker, at least while having treatments. You’re never gonna achieve optimum zen whilst scrolling through work emails. Obviously I practise what I preach and the above photo was taken AFTER my treatments.

4) There is a correct order of things. If you’re getting a massage or a facial where lots of lovely lotions and potions are going to be applied to your skin, it’s best to do this last so that you don’t wash them all away in the jacuzzi afterwards. Like I did.

5) Leave yourself plenty chill time. The rooftop jacuzzi here was like the eighth wonder of the world, and it demanded time spent in it. I lolled around for about an hour like a seal basking on a rock. Stress? Deadlines? All gone in a poof of bubbles.

6) Bring snacks! Despite what you may think, lying around doing nothing is actually hungry work. I brought water and healthy snacks so that moving was limited to the bare minimum. Also magazines for poolside reading are a great shout. It’s just not gonna be the same with a sex with porn stars article to enjoy.


7) Prepare to be the cleanest you’ve ever been. The mud wrap treatment I had went like this: salt scrub, then shower, mud wrap, then shower. Add in the pre-pool shower  and one more before leaving and I was practically on double figures.

8) Save the heavy food for afterwards. The thought of getting a firm massage with a food baby does not sound at all fun and may, erm, cue awkward moments.

I went to the One Spa at the Sheraton in Edinburgh – which I’d highly recommend!



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